He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if only i could text you this smell
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
