I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
