i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
