very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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