There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
