your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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