You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
