Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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