is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
