Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
