On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My dick has a subreddit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
