um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
