I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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