I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
