my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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