No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
