Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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