i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Porn is love you can see.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
