Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize