Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
