FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
