its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
