how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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