Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
