threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
