he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So many bounce houses so little time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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