I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize