Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
