operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
