he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
im on a boat
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