I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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