I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
