its not stalking. its research.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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