Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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