her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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