i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
