I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
