did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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