you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
