so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
