i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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