Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
