If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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