Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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