Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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