I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
