i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
