think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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