Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
