i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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