Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
