The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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