hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
