I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
