she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I touched a dick in church today
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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