if i died would you start the facebook group?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize