let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
