so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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