Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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