you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
