I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
