the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
