And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
