do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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