3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I did not marry a roomba.
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