1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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