I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
