And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
