mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Less talking, more tequila
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
