apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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