I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
