if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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