I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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