I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
