remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
