Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
