They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
