Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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