I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
