my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
