Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
