and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
