I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
