Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
