guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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