I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
