Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
