Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
