i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
