Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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