Small penises have feelings too.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hippo gnu deer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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