....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
