I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
