I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
