When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize